Sunday, September 14, 2008

More Trouble

I received this news yesterday and it has taken me a full day to process. My sister is pregnant. Now here are the facts that make this news so troubling;
1) She is barely 21
2) This will be her SECOND child
3) She is not married!
4) This is a girl that has never thought about the consequences of her actions who will now have to be a mother to two children.
5) I have been married four years and want a child very badly with my husband.
6) She is the biggest user in the entire world and will continue to rely on my parents to bail her out whenever she gets into a situation with two children.

I'm still so upset it's making my stomach hurt. Last night I could not be in the same room with her and kept walking out whenever she tried to talk to me. I knew if I stayed in there I would end up saying something very mean. And then she went and cried to our mom about how I was being mean to her and not talking to her and walking away from her. She thinks our relationship was going along fine. The problem is that I have felt sense the moment she moved out of our parents house without really telling them she was leaving that she knew she was also walking away from the teaching that should have kept her safe and well. And I have a very hard time believing that I should want to associate with her. So while we were working on our relationship we still had a long ways to go before I was fine with her. So while she thinks I was using the walking away as a way to chastise her, I was actually just trying to keep my sanity while being in the same house as her. I have worked my whole life to do what is right and it's like a slap in the face from her. Then I worked all these years to build a solid relationship that would be a good environment for a child and I'm still waiting. It's like she getting my dreams while doing whatever she wants with no regard for anything I've worked for. I know it seems silly and very very petty of me but I almost hate her right now. It is hard for me to think about her without wanting to scream. I better stop thinking about it for now, before I drive myself crazy over this.


Meshellyn said...

Wow, it sounds like life has tossed you a few curve balls lately! The good news is that you will come through them someday and they'll have just been small bumps in the road to bigger and better things. As for your sister, that's hard, and not having been there I'm at a loss. The good news is that God has a perfect plan for you and your own family and it is falling into place right this moment. I'll keep you in my prayers and hope that you find peace in the days ahead :)

Jayme said...

It is totally mad-making. And it seems so unfair.

Just remember...the fact you did it right...matters sooooooo much. You wouldn't want to have done it her way...even if she gets what you would want first. Its not fair...but it is so much better.

I feel a little bit like screaming for you.

And I feel like screaming for your parents. They are going to end up raising two extra kids. grrrr.

You my friend, will be a beautiful, fabulous, amazing mom someday. Hang in there.

Sara Proctor said...

Thank you both for the encouragement. Keep up the prayers, they are all that's keeping us going right now. I love that we can keep up with each other now. I finally got in the loop!